Chatting with Skype-bots #6

[11:36:06 AM] *** Brandi Hammer would like to add you on Skype ***
[11:17:32 PM] *** Brian Nichols has shared contact details with Brandi Hammer. ***
[11:17:46 PM] Brandi Hammer: heya sweetie
[11:17:52 PM] Brian Nichols: ahoy hoy
[11:18:13 PM] Brandi Hammer: i got ure name from the member directory here on skype cuz i was bored and lookin for new people to talk to. lol
[11:18:36 PM] Brian Nichols: well you came to the right place, lass
[11:18:24 PM] Brandi Hammer: 25.f here u?
[11:18:44 PM] Brian Nichols: 56, M
[11:18:44 PM] Brandi Hammer: so whats up?
[11:19:20 PM] Brian Nichols: me! ha!
[11:19:07 PM] Brandi Hammer: i'm almost done with my summer break and about to go back to school, i'm still in college right now so i'm not exactly thrilled about it ya know
[11:19:43 PM] Brian Nichols: aye, but yer schoolin' be important
[11:19:34 PM] Brandi Hammer: lol, welll i have an idea if ure up for a lil fun
[11:19:48 PM] Brian Nichols: always!
[11:20:04 PM] Brian Nichols: tis always fun to be back on dry land
[11:20:13 PM] Brandi Hammer: i was actually gonna get to "work" here shortly. a friend of mine was working online and i kept askin her about it so she showed me what she was doing when we got back to school after spring break
[11:20:31 PM] Brian Nichols: I enjoy the dizzy spells til I get me land legs back again
[11:20:43 PM] Brandi Hammer: lol i thought she was joking at first, but its pretty cool actually. we work online doing private webcam shows which sounded weird at first believe me. but i freakin luv it!!!
[11:20:59 PM] Brian Nichols: colour me intrigued by yer webcam shenanigans
[11:21:39 PM] Brandi Hammer: well what i was going to say is i have some free passes and i usually just do a private show before i get started to "warm up" lol. no one is online though so i was going to let u use one of the passes if u wanted but u have to give me a really good rating so i can get more if u do tho k?
[11:21:40 PM] Brian Nichols: hm, such enterprising young'uns
[11:21:52 PM] Brian Nichols: ah but of course!
[11:22:06 PM] Brandi Hammer: oh i'll earn it don't u worry lol. k its http://bit.ly/1Oj7ELT and u should see a lil button to accept my invite and connect now to create your profile. u just click on that...
[11:22:31 PM] Brian Nichols: i'll even tip ye a few doubloons if ye manage to keep me mast up, heh heh
[11:22:33 PM] Brandi Hammer: then you just make ure own username or w/e and u can cumm join my private chat for us two and type to me and tell me what you want me to do
[11:22:45 PM] Brian Nichols: aye, ye be hoisin' me main sail already
[11:23:05 PM] Brandi Hammer: yea u are going to need a cc of sum sort... but, its just to keep out the underage kids
[11:23:08 PM] Brian Nichols: tell me though, do ye do anything involvin' harbour seals?
[11:23:26 PM] Brian Nichols: I...I fancy harbour seals, y'see
[11:23:25 PM] Brandi Hammer: u should feel special i dont usually give out this one!! lolll im such a goofball sumtimes
[11:23:37 PM] Brian Nichols: heh, a goofball ye be
[11:23:51 PM] Brandi Hammer: i'm really excited too its goin to be so much fun. i love meeting new ppl on here, oh by the way... might wanna turn down ure speakers cuz i can get a lil loud once i get going
[11:24:05 PM] Brian Nichols: aye, but eh, where be yer harbour seals?
[11:24:38 PM] Brian Nichols: I prefer the loudness of their barks and hoots

[11:24:58 PM] Brian Nichols: their soft, supple skin and blubber lining
[11:24:26 PM] Brandi Hammer: i'm about to go grab some of my favorite "toys" i'll brb. hurry up though i better see ure name in my room when i get back lol
[11:25:23 PM] Brian Nichols: do ye have any fish amongst your toys?
[11:25:40 PM] Brian Nichols: the seals, they love a good bucket o' chum
[11:26:21 PM] Brian Nichols: keeps 'em frisky
[11:26:24 PM] Brian Nichols: lassie?
[11:26:33 PM] Brian Nichols: where ye be, lass?
[11:26:45 PM] Brian Nichols: did I say something to offend ye?
[11:26:55 PM] Brian Nichols: was it the harbour seals?
[11:27:08 PM] Brian Nichols: I was just foolin' ye know
[11:27:31 PM] Brian Nichols: this old salt likes to joke and kibbitz
[11:27:39 PM] Brian Nichols: maritime humour
[11:27:54 PM] Brian Nichols: tis an acquired taste, I suppose
[11:28:21 PM] Brian Nichols: ah. well, goodnight ye sprightly mermaid. may the wind be at yer back!

Chatting with Skype bots #5

[4:16:20 PM] *** Madison Dennis would like to add you on Skype ***

[4:22:56 PM] *** Brian Nichols (work) has shared contact details with Madison Dennis. ***

[6:06:02 PM] Madison Dennis: hey there hun

[10:52:32 PM] Brian Nichols (work): hellooo nurse!

[10:52:57 PM] Madison Dennis: i got ure name from the profile directory here on skype cuz i was bored and lookin for new people to talk to. lol

[10:53:09 PM] Madison Dennis: 25/f here u?

[10:53:29 PM] Brian Nichols (work): me too

[10:53:39 PM] Madison Dennis: well whatch up 2?

[10:54:44 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Well, I've been reading about the horrible shootings and other tragedies in the news

[10:54:59 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Also masturbating a little in between

[10:55:02 PM] Madison Dennis: i'm just looking forward to my summer break from school, i'm still in college right now so i'm pretty excited ya know

[10:55:58 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Yes that's understandable. The world seems so far away, I suppose you might as well put aside the outside horrors and enjoy the fleeting triumphs of your youth.

[10:56:09 PM] Madison Dennis: lol, welll i have an idea if ure up for a lil fun

[10:56:51 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Sure, anything to take my mind of this existential despair

[10:56:55 PM] Brian Nichols (work): *off

[10:57:06 PM] Brian Nichols (work): What do you propose?

[10:57:18 PM] Madison Dennis: i was actually gonna get to "work" here shortly. my girlfriend was working online and i kept askin her about it so she showed me what she was doing when we got back to school after christmas vacation

[10:57:43 PM] Madison Dennis: Lol i thought she was crazy at first, but its pretty cool actually. we work online doing private webcam shows which sounded crazy at first believe me. but i freakin luv it!!!

[10:59:01 PM] Brian Nichols (work): That sounds very familiar. I think you two have been swept up into a burgeoning trend.

[10:59:35 PM] Brian Nichols (work): What sort of shows? Movie reviews? Cooking tutorials?

[10:59:37 PM] Madison Dennis: well what i was going to say is i have some free passes and i usually just do a private show before i get started to "warm up" lol. no one is online though so i was going to let u use one of the passes if u wanted but u have to give me a really good rating so i can get more if u do tho k?

[11:09:14 PM] Brian Nichols (work): You have free passes for your own show? I suppose that's a good sign that you have maintained production control.

[11:11:24 PM] Brian Nichols (work): What does a show normally cost? I can see how a source of income would be helpful given the rising costs of tuition.

[11:11:50 PM] Madison Dennis: dont u worry tho... ill earn it lol. k its http://bit.ly/1jOUPAC and u should see a lil button to accept my invite and create your profile. u just click on that.

[11:12:13 PM] Madison Dennis: then you just make ure own username or w/e and u can cumm join my private chat for the 2 of us and type to me and tell me what you want me to do

[11:12:33 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Do you think you will transition into the online entertainment industry? Or is that what you are studying?

[11:12:47 PM] Madison Dennis: yeah you do need a card of sum sort... but, its just to make sure ure over 18

[11:13:07 PM] Madison Dennis: this is the "special" page for special ppl!! lolll im such a goofball sumtimes

[11:14:36 PM] Brian Nichols (work): It could be a lucrative career option. Although if you do abandon your studies, it's a shame you didn't discover this avenue before presumably burning through a substantial portion of your parents' hard-earned education savings.

[11:15:01 PM] Madison Dennis: i really can't wait too its going 2 be so much fun. i love meeting new ppl on here, oh by the way... might wanna turn down ure speakers cuz i can get a lil loud once i get going

[11:15:13 PM] Brian Nichols (work): But as you say, lol, you are such a goofball some times

[11:15:32 PM] Madison Dennis: i'm about to go grab some of my favorite "toys" i'll brb. hurry up though i better see ure name in my room when i get back lol

[11:16:20 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Ah well, it's never too late to give up on your dreams and disappoint your loved ones.

[11:19:31 PM] Brian Nichols (work): I'm sorry Madison, I seem to have lost the will to masturbate and/or live.

[11:23:08 PM] Brian Nichols (work): I hope you have a good show, but please excuse me from your warm-up while I go write a note to my daughter imploring her to never become like you, and then I think I'll eat a 7.62mm hollow-point.

[11:23:25 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Do they still sell those?

[11:23:54 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Never mind, you are surely busy with your own affairs.

[11:25:00 PM] Brian Nichols (work): Goodnight Madison! Thank you for looking me up in the Skype "directory". It's been fun!

Chatting with Skype-bots #4

[15/12/2015 11:12:07 AM] *** jolene lester would like to add you on Skype

Hi live:brian.nichols, I'd like to add you as a contact. ***
[15/12/2015 1:22:50 PM] *** Brian Nichols (work) has shared contact details with jolene lester. ***
[15/12/2015 5:07:23 PM] jolene lester: hi
[16/12/2015 6:11:14 PM] jolene lester: hi
[10:11:02 AM] Brian Nichols (work): hey there
[10:12:02 AM] jolene lester: heyy, thx for adding me...i had your username saved from a while ago, are you on any dating sites?
[10:26:10 AM] Brian Nichols (work): just J-Date
[10:27:16 AM] jolene lester: cant really remember how i got ur username.. but recently i got out of a relationship and i was hitting up guys i thought were cute lol...so u single?
[10:28:36 AM] Brian Nichols (work): Thanks but i'm not single and don't have a profile photo
[10:29:00 AM] Brian Nichols (work): I suppose my corporate logo thumbnail is rather cute though
[10:29:06 AM] jolene lester: pics are old skool hehe, i like to do cam 2 cam :)  i'm online right now http://taOLWWiax.xlocalcams.com/?invite=b2a7213d im the main girl u see there, type to me on the right hand side of my video
[10:30:00 AM] Brian Nichols (work): ok but first i want you to visit my site. It's moonbasetomato.blogspot.com
[10:30:39 AM] jolene lester: well either way its ok with me ;) BUT, you must be into blonde girls..are you?
[10:31:35 AM] Brian Nichols (work): not really. God told me i have to kill all the whores.
[10:32:30 AM] jolene lester: lol every guy is c'mon :p http://i.imgur.com/drsj2HK.jpg heres a pic i uploaded last night, you like? :)
[10:33:00 AM] Brian Nichols (work): that's not the reaction i usually get
[10:33:14 AM] Brian Nichols (work): btw my site may ask you for a credit card. it's just to make sure you're over 18.
[10:33:28 AM] jolene lester: i love to feel sexy...where would you like me to put those pretty red lips?? ;)
[10:33:44 AM] Brian Nichols (work): i'm a doggie. woof! woof!
[10:34:26 AM] jolene lester: haha bad boy! let me put on my computer cam for you one sec...
[10:35:15 AM] Brian Nichols (work): Jolene i already feel a connection. What's your spirit animal? I must know.
[10:35:46 AM] jolene lester: heres my profile http://QmL3wZTULyr.xlocaldates.com/?invite=c1807054 if you go there it'll have myprofile pic, but once you hit join it will display my camera to you ;) better not record me!
[10:37:00 AM] Brian Nichols (work): I won't Just hang on while i install Camtasia. I can't get Fraps to work.
[10:37:30 AM] jolene lester: this is only for YOU lol..after your in let me know your username so that i can add to you my friends list
[10:38:29 AM] Brian Nichols (work): This seems like a lot of technical hurdles. Can i just masturbate now?
[10:39:39 AM] jolene lester: oh its probably gonna ask you for a credit card to sign up for the app but its free babe,  its just for age verification. Im wearing almost nothing and I dont want any kids watching me lol
[10:40:08 AM] Brian Nichols (work): Just like my site! What did you think of my blog?
[10:40:33 AM] jolene lester: k... Let me know when you're in babe, you should see my cam on
[10:42:47 AM] Brian Nichols (work): It's ok? Yeah, i mean it's pretty amateur but i don't have a lot of time to spend on it. Maybe i'll write an aritcle about you. Lolene Jester, i mean Jolene Lester, love of my loins.
[10:43:12 AM] jolene lester: hmmm my pussy is so wet lol  ok I see u connecting, I'm gonna put on my outfit now , Just type here or in the chat when u can see me undressing ;)
[10:44:53 AM] Brian Nichols (work): I don't think that's me. I already jerked off while i was waiting for your macro script to reply.
[10:45:55 AM] jolene lester: k.. xoxo :)~
[10:47:24 AM] Brian Nichols (work): "wet lol? Listen, Jo, i'm not sure this long distance relationship is going to work out.
[10:48:24 AM] Brian Nichols (work): It's not you, it's my credit card. To put in terms you'd understand, it's maxed lol.
[10:49:02 AM] Brian Nichols (work): No hard feelings lol?
[10:49:42 AM] Brian Nichols (work): Arf!

Chatting with Skype-bots #3

[12/2/2015 9:02:54 AM] *** meredith francis would like to add you on Skype

Hi bvnichols, I'd like to add you as a contact. ***

[12/3/2015 3:27:02 PM] *** Brian Nichols has shared contact details with meredith francis. ***

[7:06:57 PM] meredith francis: hello

[9:57:34 PM] Brian Nichols: hiya

[9:58:56 PM] meredith francis: heyy, thx for adding me...i had your username saved from a while ago, are you on any dating sites?

[10:18:22 PM] Brian Nichols: negative

[10:19:34 PM] meredith francis: cant really remember how i got ur username.. but recently i got out of a relationship and i was hitting up guys i thought were cute lol...so u single?

[10:19:52 PM] Brian Nichols: negative

[10:20:33 PM] meredith francis: well either way its ok with me ;) BUT, you must be into blonde girls..are you?

[10:20:40 PM] Brian Nichols: negative

[10:21:26 PM] meredith francis: lol every guy is c'mon :p http://i.imgur.com/drsj2HK.jpg heres a pic i uploaded last night, you like? :)

[10:21:34 PM] Brian Nichols: negative

[10:22:21 PM] meredith francis: i love to feel sexy...where would you like me to put those pretty red lips?? ;)

[10:25:20 PM] Brian Nichols: you better put them on your mom's cheek and then pray for forgiveness before the baby Jesus cries himself to sleep. i'm a married man, Ms Francis!

[10:26:04 PM] meredith francis: im not married, and if you are who cares...cause i dont! hehe

[10:26:42 PM] Brian Nichols: oh. well alright then.

[10:27:18 PM] meredith francis: haha bad boy! let me put on my computer cam for you one sec...

[10:27:59 PM] Brian Nichols: ok. wrap your lips around my dick like it's your only source of air

[10:28:30 PM] meredith francis: heres my profile http://RpfBMKTWb.xlocaldates.com/?invite=b2057394 if you go there it'll have myprofile pic, but once you hit join it will display my camera to you ;) better not record me!

[10:29:11 PM] Brian Nichols: why would I?

[10:29:49 PM] meredith francis: this is only for YOU lol..after your in let me know your username so that i can add to you my friends list

[10:30:43 PM] Brian Nichols: you mean after YOU'RE in

[10:31:38 PM] meredith francis: oh its probably gonna ask you for a credit card to sign up for the app but its free babe,  its just for age verification. Im wearing almost nothing and I dont want any kids watching me lol

[10:32:05 PM] Brian Nichols: i'm a married man, not a married kid

[10:32:35 PM] meredith francis: k... Let me know when you're in babe, you should see my cam on

[10:33:11 PM] Brian Nichols: who's your credit card processor?

[10:33:48 PM] meredith francis: hmmm my pussy is so wet lol  ok I see u connecting, I'm gonna put on my outfit now , Just type here or in the chat when u can see me undressing ;)

[10:34:03 PM] Brian Nichols: I might be able to get you lower merchant fees

[10:34:44 PM] meredith francis: k.. xoxo :)~

[10:34:50 PM] Brian Nichols: ?

[10:35:20 PM] Brian Nichols: anyway, negative on the site, sorry. you know there is free porn on the Internet, right?

[10:35:35 PM] Brian Nichols: like SO MUCH of it

[10:36:06 PM] Brian Nichols: I daresay you've entered a rather crowded market

[10:40:08 PM] Brian Nichols: Well Meredith the good news is that YOU'RE going on MY web site!

[10:41:16 PM] Brian Nichols: btw your hack website isn't accepting my credit card

[10:41:29 PM] Brian Nichols: I guess it was already reported stolen

[10:41:37 PM] Brian Nichols: well bye

Rejected Cracked Article #1 - 5 Everyday Things You Should Stop Buying

5 Everyday Things You Should Stop Buying

We’ve all been there. You’re standing in the grocery store with a bottle of [type A] in your left hand and [type B] in your right, trying to make the Sophie’s Choice of which one to buy. Your eyes dart left and right as you try to decipher the inscrutable difference between the two and select the best one to buy. Overwhelmed by the excess of choice, you drop both bottles and grasp the collar of a passing store employee. “By Odin’s beard!” you exclaim, “I just want to know which one of these is best for cleaning a blood-stained smock!”

With so many product lines expanding into useless periphery, sometimes we need to ignore the greedy upsell of marketers and get back to basics. This article will show you some products that cross the line and remind you that no, most of the time you don’t, in fact, want fries with that.

5. Scented Detergents

We can understand some scented cleaning products. We’ll give mountain mist dryer sheets and lemon Pledge a pass, but who’s buying this potpourri scented dish soap? We’re no uber-hausfraus, but we’re pretty sure we understand the basic premise of cleaning stuff around the home, and isn’t the whole idea of washing dishes to clean off everything and make it sterile for eating again? If I wash my dishes and they end up smelling of oranges, rainforest leprechaun leavings or green apple hobopourri, i’m inclined to think they are not, in fact, clean. Clean dishes should not smell like anything, pleasant or otherwise.

Let’s back up a step and get a little scienmotific here. Now don’t lose consciousness, we’ll only go to middle school level science, so hold onto your pocket protectors and don’t take that second afternoon toke just yet. Pretty much all cleaning agents work by the same mechanism, which is the magic of the detergent molecule. It has a hydrophilic/oleophobic head and hydrophobic/oleophilic tail, which means the tail sticks into oil (dirt) and the head sticks to water, which then carries away the dirt during a wash. Simple. That is literally all you need to clean something. You can use a bar of soap, shampoo, or what-have-you. The rest of the list of ingredients is made up of various chemicals to add lather, acidity, moisture, or these harassing perfumes. My beef is that the perfume remains behind, meaning you haven’t cleaned your dishes. Adding fragrance to detergent is like adding hobo blood to surgical alcohol, or, you know, perfume to your food.

4. Skin Creams and Beauty Products

If there’s anyone who experiences simultaneous awe andvagina-dehydrating revulsion of science, it’s your average North American woman (source: science). Advertisers know this, and will employ some borderline insulting tricks. Watch almost any commercial for a skin cream and you’ll hear them invent bullshit sciencey sounding names for their products’ claims. I’m not entirely unsympathetic to the plight of the marketer; after all they are tasked with reinventing the wheel of your basic lotion and shampoo every year since the 1800s. But you can tell they are running on creative fumes when you start hearing egregious claims like repairing “skin disorganization”. I wish I had the link for that one, but I swear on a pile of peptides that’s a real term I heard. Seriously. Think about that term for a second. Do you know what would happen if your cells were actually disorganized from their natural structure? I don’t, but i imagine it would look horribly similar to a transporter accident on Star Trek.

Aarrgh! If only I’d moisturized with Olay™!

Sadly I couldn’t find that particular ad on YouTube, but here is a similar one. Oh, hold the phone! These guys have a “Wrinkle Protocol”. That’s serious business, you guys. Protocol.

3. Shampoo

Similar to #4 but these ads have their own vocabulary of nonsense to make fun of.

2. Gasoline

Ok you do need to buy gas, but what type? You should get the best, right? Well hold on there, fancy-pants, because I'm going to tell you that gas is gas. Depending on the weather in your area and time of year, a different additive package is used for optimal combustion. Service station franchises also have their own little additives but it’s basically detergent (we meet again, old friend) to clean your pipes (heheh...) but you’re really not getting anything worth paying extra for. As for octane levels, your car’s user manual may tell you to use the premium stuff, but that’s just to make you feel like you have a fancy car. Modern engines are computerized to burn any fuel at the appropriate mixture, with the higher octane fuels only improving performance of older cars. If your car was made before the 1990s and has a carburetor, go ahead and buy the top grade fuel. But if your car is fairly modern and fuel injected, you’re probably fine with the basic stuff.

[sources]

1. Detoxes & Cleanses

(unfinished) Discuss how the body itself forms toxins rather than ingesting them, then how your body cleanses itself without intervention.

Chatting With Skype-Bots #2

Chatting With Skype-Bots #1

Do you ever get those chat bots trying to bait you on Skype? Sometimes i write back if i'm bored enough.

*** Jen Vaughn would like to add you on Skype ***

*** Brian Nichols has shared contact details with Jen Vaughn. ***

Jen Vaughn: hey there, thanks for accepting... feel like talkin?

Brian Nichols: actually i'm at work. maybe later?

Jen Vaughn: i got ure name from the member directory here on skype cuz i was bored and lookin for new people to talk to. lol

Jen Vaughn: 25/f here u?

Brian Nichols: same

Jen Vaughn: well what r ya doin?

Brian Nichols: in the bathroom, taking a huuuuuge crap

Jen Vaughn: i'm just getting ready spring break at school, i'm still in college right now so i'm really lookin forward to it ya know

Brian Nichols: you should drop out. you probably will fail anyway, and end up doing disreputable things for money.

Jen Vaughn: lol, soo i have an idea if ure up for a lil fun

Brian Nichols: you see? it's begun already.

Jen Vaughn: i was actually gonna get to my "job" here shortly. a friend of mine was working online and i kept askin her about it so she showed me what she was doing when we got back to school after summer break

Jen Vaughn: Lol i thought she was out of her mind at first, but its pretty cool actually. we work online doing private webcam shows which sounded nuts at first trust me. but i freakin luv it!!!

Brian Nichols: i knew it. Jen this is a dark path you are about to embark on. i recommend you talk to a guidance councellor. or your family.

Brian Nichols: Jen, it's not too late!

Brian Nichols: you can still turn your life around

Jen Vaughn: well what i was going to say is i have some free passes and i usually just do a private show before i get started to "warm up" lol. no one is online though so i was going to give u one of the passes if u wanted but u have to give me a really good rating so i can get more if u do tho k?

Brian Nichols: no, it wouldn't be right to enable this sort of behaviour. i take back what i said before, Jen. don't give up on college. you have so many more opportunities than women of prior generations. don't squander them, Jen. You have so much potential.

Jen Vaughn: dont u worry tho... ill earn it lol. k its http://bit.ly/1DmMxXq and u should see a lil button to accept my invite and create your profile. u just click on that.

Brian Nichols: I can see i'm just not getting through to you. When you're ready to listen, perhaps we'll chat again.

Jen Vaughn: then you just make ure own username or w/e and u can cumm join my private chat for us 2 and type to me and tell me what you want me to do

Brian Nichols: Goodbye you poor lost soul.

Brian Nichols: By the way, how much for a full annual membership? I'm so goddamn horny, Jen.

Jen Vaughn: yea you are going to need a c.c of sum sort... but, its just to verify your age

Jen Vaughn: this is the "special" page for special ppl!! lol im such a goofball sumtimes

Brian Nichols: Yes, quite a goofball. Farewell my love.